anxiety · anxiety disorder · Bad day · mental illness · tough night

Feeling Down

I am feeling so incredibly down. I am finding and focusing on every single flaw in myself that I can find. Negative things that people have said about me throughout the course of my life are playing, and replaying, constantly repeating in my head. I feel sad. I feel slightly broken. I looked at myself in the mirror earlier and saw some chub that I was a little upset about. In my head I do know that it isn’t a big deal but once I spotted that flaw I have not been able to stop finding new ones. This is absolutely a result of having anxiety and panic disorders. I usually do not struggle with body issues whatsoever but today I just really did not like what I saw. It’s been an incredibly rough night. All I want to do is hide and cry. This has not happened in the longest time and because of that, I forgot how hard nights like tonight are.  I’m so upset and just want to be able to fall asleep and escape these thoughts for a little bit but of course, I can’t sleep. I’m trying everything I can. I’m talking to my boyfriend as well to try to calm down. I’ve kind of just sent myself into a spin, but I can’t help it. I am having A LOT of feelings right now. Very negative feelings that I can’t escape from. Such ugly thoughts are running through my mind. I feel pretty defeated by these thoughts. All I can think about are the bad things about me. I can only see the ugly right now. Tonight is awful, I need to escape these thoughts. Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep soon.  Maybe I can learn to not focus on the negative.

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